Beyond Contempt by Erica Etelson

Author:Erica Etelson
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781771423052
Publisher: New Society Publishers
Published: 2019-03-03T16:00:00+00:00

How to Ask Curiosity Questions

Questions are part of a conversation, not a cross-examination or a Socratic inquisition. Your questions should be specific but posed in a nonjudgmental, nonleading, nonargumentative way. For me, trained as a lawyer, this is the most difficult aspect. I’m always trying to sneak an argument into the question.

Here’s an argumentative question: “Given that the United States already has enough nuclear weapons to blow up the world three times over, what purpose do you believe is served by spending billions more on new nuclear weapons?” The first part of the question already gives away my position—we already have an absurdly dangerous amount of nuclear firepower—and implies that anyone who thinks we need more nukes is a fool. Instead, I could ask, “What advantages do you believe the United States would gain if we spend billions more on nuclear weapons?” Later, I could share my belief that any additional weapons would be redundant, dangerous, and a colossal waste of money.

You may be tempted (I know I am) to discharge a fusillade of Socratic questions designed to lead the person to “get it.” But this will make the other person feel snookered; they will defend themselves against this unpleasant sensation accordingly.

If you ask a question to which you already know the answer just to make the other person look ignorant, that’s entrapment. If someone is adamant about wanting a border wall to prevent drugs from coming in, and you already know that the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) says that the vast majority of drugs are smuggled in at legal entry points, then it would be entrapping to ask, “What percentage of drugs do you think are coming in through illegal border crossings?” Instead, you could begin with a question that seeks to understand why they feel so strongly: “What are the impacts you’re seeing from the illegal drugs getting smuggled in?” Depending on their response, it may be appropriate for you to share the DEA’s assessment later.

Here’s the litmus test for Socratic entrapment: Are you asking the question to understand the person’s experience or are you laying the foundation to prove your point? If the latter, save all that useful information and analysis for your position statement (which I’ll go over in the next chapter) instead of trying to manipulate the conversation to convince them.

In my example above of asking whether the person thought it was possible that some welfare recipients fell on hard times after planning for a large family, I was bordering on entrapping. However, my tone was laid back and I was genuinely curious as to whether the person had considered this possibility.

Another form of entrapment is a question that leaves the person with a no-win choice: “Do you want your grandkids to die in a climate catastrophe?” leaves Grandma with the choice of either admitting that climate disruption is real or that she’s willing to have her grandchildren suffer a horrible death.

There are several other crucial elements in asking questions without prompting defensive reactions, including

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